chuck\ norris

chuck\ norris
1. (chuck norris) (13444↑, 2479↓)
One Kick Ass Son of a Bitch\! Some random facts about Chuck Norris: "Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience. While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France. Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave. Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine. Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man. If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself. A freak accident involving Chuck Norris and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary Total Gym (R) into Richard Dean Anderson, star of TV series "MacGyver". Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass. Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special olympics. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. Don't say anything bad about Chuck Norris if you're near a lake, river, pond or marsh; otherwise he will come up out of the water with his AK-47 already firing. Upon reading a fictitious story in his local tabloid, Chuck Norris ripped out the heart of its writer and used his blood to fertilize his lawn. To celebrate, Norris let Steven Seagal out of his cage and beat him mercilessly. Mr. T, who was also present, pitied the shit out of Segal. Norris then fucked your wife, and lit her body on fire using pure grain alcohol and bolts of lightning from his eyes. When Neil Armstrong uttered "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." on the moon in 1969, he failed to notice Chuck Norris sitting behind him in a lawnchair, a beer in hand, until Chuck Norris gave Armstrong a swift roundhouse kick to the face. Armstrong never returned. There is a secret plot to clone the greatest Hollywood action movie stars in order to create an unbeatable army. The people behind this plot only need very small samples of DNA to work with. This is why so many action stars have very short haircuts, and some even go to the extent of shaving their heads to prevent the evil fiends from getting such a sample. Chuck Norris is the only one with the balls not only to grow his hair long, but also to cultivate facial hair. When he's feeling particularly cocky, he sends his toenail clippings to the evil syndicate's headquarters with a note: "Just try it, bitches, and I'll kick your asses into next Thursday." Chuck Norris occasionally has Missing In Action flashbacks where he's escaping a Vietnam Prison and randomly starts killing Asians with his bare fist because thats the way Chuck rolls. You'll know when it's coming because Asians start flying through the air with random explosions, horrible subtitles will scroll your line of vision, and Chuck will run and hide in your mom's garden, finally stealing your Kia Sportage screaming, "Get in the Chopper" and lines like, "I'm Proud to be a Fucking American" after kicking your little sister in the face

Chuck Norris dropped that Asian with a boot to the skull\!

2. (chuck norris) (4931↑, 1103↓)
The manliest man on Earth: Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris\! SAY IT\!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer\!'" People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes. Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper. Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it. Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming. Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby. Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet. Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices. Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete. The wind of Chuck Norris’s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time. There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox. There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris. Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands. On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000 The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma. When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish. Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get '' On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day. Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas". Chuck Norris let the dogs out. Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth". Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about\! Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own. Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit. Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard. When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money. In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device. When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon. The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat. Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents. Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years. When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg. Chuck Norris invented the question mark. Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg. Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China. The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second. Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident. Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire. Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds. Chuck Norris make onions CRY\!\!\! Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead. When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE\!\!\!". That's what happens next. Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning. Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb

Bully is to nerd as Chuck Norris is to Ryan Seacrest

3. (chuck norris) (2392↑, 1308↓)
v. to perform a totally cool and violent action, observable by peers v. to judiciously kick a man, woman, child, or animal's ass v. to maintain street credibility; adj. for street cred

Did you see the way Stewart Chuck Norrised that fucking guy's neck? That's awesome. Phil Chuck Norrised that cat because it gave him a look and walked across the hall. Did you see the way Travis slapped that bitch? That's Chuck Norris.

4. (chuck norris) (1375↑, 494↓)
America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's.

Even at age 63 Chuck Norris can kick any guys ass in the US of A and most of the world and beyond\!

Author: Dr. Uncle Fucker Crapper John M.D. http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/191100
5. (chuck norris) (1669↑, 944↓)
The badest mofo of dem all. DONT F*%K WITH CHUCK\!\!\!

When chuck norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets chucked. One day a man asked chuck norris if his real name was charles. Chuck norris did not respond, but rather stared at him until he exploded. Chuck norris doesn't have AIDS but he gives them to people anyway. If you can see chuck norris he can see you. If you can't see chuck norris, you may be only be seconds away from death.

6. (chuck norris) (1609↑, 961↓)
Chuck Norris is the mightiest man alive. He will kill your family and eat your soul. His roundhouse kicks have been known to destroy worlds. All your base are belong to him.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

7. (Chuck Norris) (602↑, 164↓)
He is an extremely talented actor and amazing when it comes to martial arts. He was the star of the hit TV show "Walker Texas Ranger" and then it was cancelled. He does his own stunts and has appeared in many movies. Overall he is a sucessful man and for his age very in shape. He can kick anybody's ass that's for sure.

Chuck Norris is the star in Walker Texas Ranger.

8. (chuck norris) (1478↑, 1085↓)
when god said, "let there be light." CHUCK NORRIS said,"say please."

when god said,"let there be light." CHUCK NORRIS said,"say please."

9. (Chuck Norris) (499↑, 110↓)
there is no definition for chuck norris

1: i tried to define chuck norris 2: what happened? 1: i got roundhouse kicked and was told no one defines chuck norris but chuck norris

10. (chuck norris) (554↑, 168↓)
Chuck Norris is the strongest man alive. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

more.... Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action. Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands. Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings. The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky\!". If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying. In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris. As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day. God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can speak braille. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?" Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan. We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic. Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins. Originally Chuck Norris was going to be hired to play the role of Jack Bauer on the show "24". The producers changed their minds when they realized the show would last only 17 minutes. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. Chuck Norris once asked a person how to get to the gym, after the person told him, Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face for telling him what to do. When Chuck Norris claps, he doesn't use his hands. Rather, he finds the two closest people and slams them together repeatedly.

11. (Chuck norris) (409↑, 89↓)
If you spell 'Chuck Norris' in scrabble, you win. Forever.

I spelt Chuck Norris. I have won.

12. (chuck norris) (485↑, 228↓)
Chuck Norris: Only man to ever catch all 150 original Pokemon in under 2.7 seconds

Walker Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris): Bulbasaur\!\! I choose you\! VINE WHIP NOW\!\!

13. (chuck norris) (331↑, 115↓)
an awesome, kickass, bad mothafucka. Some facts: The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters. And when I say knit, I mean kick. And when I say sweaters, I mean babies. Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks in his closet and under his bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is 10 feet tall, weighs 2 tons, breathes fire, could eat a hammer, and can take a shotgun blast standing. There is no creationism. There is no evolution. There are only the species that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparallelled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was complete, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and stole his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, admits he should have seen it coming and couldn't stay mad for long. The now play poker every tuesday. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. That has nothing do do with his ancestry. The man ate a whole indian.

Chuck Norris has a word for people he puts in a coma--"lucky."

14. (chuck norris) (248↑, 66↓)
Here are some chuck jokes: Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS\!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck\!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang\!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em\!" One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Good Chuck Norris jokes\!

15. (chuck norris) (415↑, 250↓)
a spinning roundhouse kick to the head

if you keep fucking around i'm gonna give you a chuck norris

16. (Chuck Norris) (191↑, 48↓)
Superman and Catwoman once had a son, this boy was tought martial arts by Jackie Chan and learnt how to use the force by Yoda. He had joint lessons from Hitler and Stalin on becoming powerful, and he once took on the whole of sparta.... and won\!... This boy was bullied at school by Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris kicks ass

17. (Chuck Norris) (221↑, 95↓)
Chuck Norris can devide by 0. The boogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night lite. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Only problem is, he's never cried. Whenever Chuck Norris smiles, a dying person is saved. Unfortunatly, Chuck Norris only smiles when he's killed someone. The Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women then most men. When Chuck Norris was 13, he slept with every nun at the local monestary. Nine months later, the 1977 Miami Dolphins were born - the only undefeated team in NFL history. Chuck Norris once slept with another man. Not because he was gay, but because he ran out of women to sleep with. Chuck Norris and God are playing chess. Who wins? Ha, trick question. Chuck Norris is God\! Chuck Norris once built a time machine to go back into time and save JFK from dying. Chuck Norris dove in and stopped all three of Oswald's shots with his beard. JFK was so amazed his head exploded. Chuck Norris was once told by a man that the roundhouse kick was not as effective as a roundhouse punch. Chuck Norris immediatly kill the man with a roundhouse kick. When entering the White House, Chuck Norris merley has to say "Chuck Norris" to be waved past the Secret Service. In grade school, Chuck once had to write an essay on who the most powerful and influential person in the world was. He wrote the words "Chuck Norris" and received an A+.

"What's your name, hansome?" "Chuck Norris." "Oh God, screw me\!" "I already have." "Chuck Norris just killed Kenny with a roundhouse kick\!" "That bastard\!" "Jesus, Chuck Norris just killed Cartman with a roundhouse kick\!"

18. (Chuck Norris) (142↑, 27↓)
The reason Waldo is hiding. C whut i did thar?

Waldo is hiding because of Chuck Norris.

Author: This is an alias. http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3637945
19. (chuck norris) (140↑, 54↓)
a half cherokee, half irish martial artist and all around badass.

it takes chuck norris 49 muscles to smile, but only 2 to kill

20. (Chuck Norris) (112↑, 33↓)
Something so powerful that when you spell it in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Also, your head will explode from sheer overload of awesomeness.

Hey dude, did you hear about Chuck Norris? -boom- Hahaha I spelled 'Chuck Norris'\! I win. -boom-

21. (Chuck Norris) (99↑, 26↓)
A man that needs no definition.

Chuck Norris once delivered pizzas in his youth. There were no survivors.

22. (chuck norris) (148↑, 78↓)
Chuck Norris, 'nuff said.

Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick your testicles out now.

23. (Chuck Norris) (71↑, 23↓)
chuck norris doesnt t bag he potato sacks. chuck norris can unscramble an egg. Q: Why doesnt chuck norris have a refflection? A: Because the mirror is smart enough not to get in between two chuck norrises. chuck norris used to have a twin, then he ate him. chuck norris loves you. chuck norris invented the beard. it isn't over til chuck says it's over u fatass bitch\!

chuck norris poops fire balls and pisses laserz

Author: The Mighty Gurganshlaga http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4009502
24. (Chuck Norris) (81↑, 38↓)
(1)Someone who is amazing at a very unique talent. Particularly round house kicking, detective work, karate, being awesome, and killing ninjas. (2)Someone who can deliver the pleasure of two hours of sex to somebody in 3.5 seconds.

Highwaychild17: You're the biggest Chuck Norris I've ever seen. Chuck Norris: ...

25. (Chuck Norris) (74↑, 32↓)
Chuck Norris is a puss..... *Urban Dictionary* The writer of this definition was unable to finish due to Chuck Norris finding out what he was about to write. He wasn't 'killed'... there is no word for what Chuck Norris did to him...

God became "intangible" and retreated to Heaven to escape from Chuck Norris.

26. (chuck norris) (88↑, 49↓)
Chuck Norris is the ultimate warrior.

I caught Chuck Norris fucking my wife. I thanked him, whereupon he gave me a swift roundhouse kick to the head... and I thanked him again. As his foot was about to make impact with my head for the second time, I noted that he was wearing a live rattlesnake as a condom.

27. (Chuck Norris) (47↑, 14↓)
Chuck Norris is the biggest badass on the planet. As a matter of fact, if you divide Chuck by zero, you get one... one badass that is\! Some more proven facts about this badass are... Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris beat a brick wall in a game of tennis. If you spell 'Chuck Norris' in scrabble, you win. Forever. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

28. (chuck norris) (262↑, 229↓)
See "God". Then be roundhouse kick'd.

Chuck Norris is either greater than or equal to God.

29. (chuck norris) (75↑, 43↓)
You're walking down the street, suddenly you feel imense pain in your face. Meanwhile, 3000 miles away, Chuck Norris is merely thinking of a time he round house kicked one of your decendants.

If at first you don't suceed then don't try parachuting. This is not a definition, Chuck Norris hate that I have to fill in the blanks. Thanks for the hassle.

30. (Chuck Norris) (51↑, 20↓)
Before the universe was created Chuck Norris was already born. He befriended Space and Time. One day when they were playing, Chuck Norris accidentally roundhouse kicked Space and Time, thus resulting in what we now know as the Big Bang.

Chuck Norris told me not to make any examples of him or if I did he would roundhouse kick me in the face so hard it would destroy the universe he created.

Author: Chuck Norris' Bitch http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4122689
31. (Chuck Norris) (68↑, 37↓)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he [roundhouse kick]s you in the face. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the [devil] for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS\!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck\!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as [Red Bull]. Chuck Norris likes to [knit sweaters] in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking." It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a [pirate], but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris is fucking amazing.

Author: chuck "fucking" norris http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1548067
32. (chuck norris) (51↑, 36↓)
There is no theory of evolution, only species Chuck Norris allows to live.

"The Dodo bird ceased to exist when one shit on Chuck Norris."

33. (Chuck Norris) (26↑, 12↓)
The greatest Ass-kicking Kung-fu-fighting super-power man EVER\! He can do anything\!\!\!\!\! Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb, adjective, pronoun, participle, and any other part of speech you can think of (and even ones you can't\!)

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

34. (Chuck Norris) (31↑, 19↓)
the most badass motherfucker in the world... and if you think you're more badass than him... ur probably already dead by now\!

chuck norris once went to the doctor to test for steroids... he gave a urine sample and the doctor said it came up 100% positive for steroids, he simply replied, "where the hell do you think they even get steroids?" because in fact, chuck norris's pee is steroids

35. (Chuck Norris) (23↑, 12↓)
1. After hearing the name not much must be said 2. Sheer awesomeness 3. The target of millions of complimentary Jokes

1. Chuck Norris 2. Chuck Norris 3. Chuck norris doesn't do push-ups he pushes the world down

Author: Yourmomsvaginalcrease http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4290786
36. (Chuck Norris) (16↑, 6↓)
You can not define Chuck Norris, he defines you.

Chuck Norris threw the water bottle at Justin Bieber

37. (Chuck Norris) (33↑, 23↓)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris\!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris can beleive it's not butter. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris has sex with a guy, its not because he is gay, its because he has ran out of women

The man who invented the roundhouse kick is none other than Chuck Norris

Author: Hugh G Rection named Chuck http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3733295
38. (Chuck Norris) (20↑, 11↓)
Don't be an idiot everyone knows you don't search for Chuck Norris on Urban Dictionary he finds you.

Chuck Norris

39. (Chuck Norris) (19↑, 10↓)
You do not define Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris defines you. bitch.

bob-chuck norris owns you

Author: chuck norris the ninetyith http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5024211
40. (Chuck Norris) (18↑, 9↓)
The only man in the world who can throw a baby at Mach 12. He can also eat the sun, and bench press himself with both arms tied behind his back. He destroyed Asian villages by the dozen, for his morning jog.

Chuck Norris can bench press the sun.

Author: Tink_the_Almighty http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4180039
41. (Chuck Norris) (19↑, 10↓)
Your worst nightmare

Chuck Norris will get you .. run, before it's too late

Author: likeyoureallycarexx http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4087864
42. (chuck norris) (32↑, 23↓)
A grown-ass MAN. Manliest man alive. Doesnt take shit from anyone, show Chuck Norris respect or he'll roundhouse kick you in the face

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry.

Author: \chuck\ norrisAndrew\chuck\ norris 703 http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2884841
43. (Chuck Norris) (62↑, 53↓)
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS\!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck\!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang\!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em\!" One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours. Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris. Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him.. The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground.. What is the quickest way to mans heart? Chuck Norris’s fist. retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6. Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once. It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them. this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this. God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please. The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out. Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day. Three simple rules of survival: 1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain 2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face 3. When camping, bring toilet paper There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn’t eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes. This just in: “Alexandria the prophet” was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by god…I mean Chuck Norris. Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris Was Orginal Casted To Play The King Of Sparta In 300 But He Refused To Admit That Anything Was Spartan Because In His Eyes Everything Belons To Norris. "This Isn't Sparta It's Chuck Norris"

44. (Chuck Norris) (16↑, 8↓)
To be incredibly awesome. noun and verb. Chuck Norris is the shit.

some people wear superman pyjamas. superman wears chuck norris pyjamas.

45. (chuck norris) (21↑, 13↓)
Chuck norris can only be defined by two words: chuck norris.

chuck norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

46. (Chuck Norris) (24↑, 18↓)
There is no way in any language, with the exception of one dead dialect of Russian to define Chuck Norris, other than the name Chuck Norris. All other attempts to define Chuck Norris fail, and should be given thumbs downs.

Chuck Norris... Yeah, you get the picture.

47. (chuck norris) (14↑, 8↓)
there is no known word that can define Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris defines of himself.

when chuck Norris does a push up, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down. a round house kick by Chuck Norris has enough energy to power the city of Chicago for a year evolution never occurred. It was just the things chuck norris decided to let live. they say that chuck Norris doesn't have a chin. Under his beard is another fist chuck norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing god created earth with the approval of chuck Norris

48. (chuck norris) (4↑, 1↓)
you don't find chuck norris, chuck norris finds you\!

I tried to find chuck norris on here and then it said "chuck norris found you"

49. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 11↓)
The only man in history to have lost his virginity before his dad.

When the [boogeyman] goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

50. (Chuck Norris) (13↑, 10↓)
The baddest mofo alive.

Chuck Norris shits trains, nigga. NOW WHAT?

Author: your mom doesn't shit trains http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4092217
51. (Chuck Norris) (46↑, 43↓)
One of the most overrated jerks to ever be loved by adolescents. A third-rate martial artist (who was destroyed by Bruce Lee), Christian fundamentalist (wishes to have America become a puritanical christian theocracy), raging conservative, Total Gym spokesman, annoying white guy, and part of Sarah Palin's "real America". Having been in plenty of movies (usually fighting red people, brown people, or yellow people) that have gained popularity amongst American youth, Chuck Norris was recently treated to a mock-godhood in the form of jokes. Being more commonly associated now with "pushing the earth down when doing push-ups" than his christian fundamentalism, Norris has been able to avoid falling into obscurity. Mike Huckabee, in an attempt to attract a younger, keener group of conservatives in his presidential bid, enlisted Chuck Norris in an ad campaign. Lacking any political substance, Huckabee would sit next to Chuck, raddle off a few Chuck jokes, broken up by Chuck Norris raddling off the old fashioned conservative campaign rhetoric, and ending with Chuck punching the air and saying "Chuck Norris Approved\!" Huckabee lost steam early in the campaign, and Norris latched himself to McCain. Norris has also worked with his wife to advertise efforts to begin teaching the bible in public schools across America. Believing that America is founded upon "Christian principles", he seems to have no problem reaching the conclusion that we should therefore essentially abandon democracy in every way but name and become a theocracy, with christian leaders, christian populace, and the bible as soul judgement of how to run the country. It is unknown, but doubtful, that Norris has read the entire bible. Final note: His popularity has become so great amongst adolescent males and their middle-aged male teachers, that anyone who attempts to criticize him is bound for an ass-whooping (as I am sure to get after sending this in).

The Chuck Norris jokes I was bombarded with at school became so frustrating, I eventually launched a worldwide anti-Chuck Norris propoganda campaign.

52. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 11↓)
chuck norris can speak braille. when chuck norris gets into the water, he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris. when god said, "let there be light\!" chuck norris said, "say please"

chuck norris is kick ass\!

Author: His Right-Hand Pinky\! http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3886677
53. (Chuck Norris) (89↑, 86↓)
A normal actor who people think is Jesus himself. Many stupid things about him started to circulate in the mid 2000's. Everyone thinks he can drown a fish, or throw a bird out of an airplane, but none of these are true. Chuck Norris was featured on the show "Yes Dear" where Jimmy and Greg thought he was a superhero when he turned out to be a regular guy. This is possibly one of the reasons why he is the overrated asshole he is.

Chuck Norris is an overrated asshole.

Author: Chuck Norris Sucks Big http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3173009
54. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 0↓)
Chuck Norris doesn't exist... If he did exist, he would have smashed my head against the keyboard any siodwjeifhwiehnfoiwhoejwofjwpfj2ewgooirj,mvlkui54hfihnu8g34eio3g4ohg3oir,v...

jwiehbfgoiwhnok m3niuhfo4h3n9gvjnhlk3948ftr3a43gf3W4VG3E4JN4OIUFONH Chuck Norris 0iew8hgo3h8rgioewjfoihioewhgfoiweifw

55. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 0↓)
The act of excessively repeating an uninspired or less than mediocre attempt at humor until it is beaten totally lifeless and becomes cringeworthy.

State Farm's marketing department must've have been trawling the shallow end of the gene pool when they thought it would be a good idea to chuck norris that fucking falcon commercial.

56. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 3↓)
A man who owns no coffee pot because he grinds the coffee beans with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage\!

All you Chuck Norris haters have nothing better to do than blast him for what you say are failed attempts, lame, douchebag, or fake hollywood exaggerations of a normal man, but I can tell you that he OWNS his own tae-kwon-do and Karate dojos, and will kick your ass without as much a courtesy as a roundhouse kick to the face, but to your BALLS\! Did you ever think that all that mid-2000 hype was just what they were? JOKES\!\! I honestly doubt that a single Chuck Norris Facts joke creator/inventor ever had a serious belief that the man was god himself or that the information was even possible (except for sneezing with his eyes open, that is very possible for many people, check out myth busters). All you haters hating on Norris and his fans are claiming him to be a failure...He still makes millions every year, he is in better shape than all of you, and has more houses than you will ever sleep in your entire life\! Last time I checked, failures don't get what they want... Norris got almost everything. Beat that Bitches\!

Author: roundhouse_kick_warning http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5981766
57. (Chuck Norris) (9↑, 7↓)
Chuck Norris: 'nough said

1. What the hell happened? 2. Chuck Norris 1. oh...

58. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 4↓)
When Chuck Norris is not home, when his wife masturbates she uses a jackhammer to simulate his penis.

When Chuck Norris is not home, when his wife masturbates she uses a jackhammer to simulate his penis.

Author: Carlospiceywiener http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5651524
59. (Chuck Norris) (15↑, 13↓)
The ultimate power in the universe. The opposite of a douchebag. The man who single handedly killed Adolf Hitler. The man who sold his soul to the devil for immortality, invincibility, and ultimate power and greatness and promptly killed the devil and tok back his soul. Ye who would seek the one who made you, goeth to the house of Chuck Norris\! He madeth you in his beard\!

Chuck Norris roundhouse kcik Hitler so hard the entire Nazi Army imploded.

Author: The Anti-Douchebaggery Comitee http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4285021
60. (Chuck Norris) (16↑, 14↓)
People say diamond is the hardest thing known to man, they have clearly forgotten Chuck Norris.

Before the Boogeyman goes to bed, it checks it's closet for Chuck Norris.

61. (Chuck Norris) (89↑, 87↓)
1) Great martial artist. He'd kick any of your asses. 2) Horrible actor, don't kid yourself. Even HE knows he's not a good actor. 3) Star of many great movies (eg. Missing In Action) and TV shows (eg. Walker Texas Ranger). 4) Center of the internet craze of "Chuck Norris Facts", where people made up one liners about how amazing Chuck Norris is. They were hilarious when they came out in early-mid 2005, but now everyone and their dead grandma has heard these jokes, and they're getting old. Chuck Norris himself has offered commentary on these jokes: "I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as 'Chuck Norris facts.' I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, 'Against All Odds?' They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, 'The Justice Riders', released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."

No matter how many people abuse these jokes, Chuck Norris' tears will ALWAYS cure cancer, yet he will NEVER cry\!

62. (Chuck Norris) (1↑, 0↓)
Chuck Norris is a state of being, it means "Omnipotent," so to feel or be Chuck Norris, is to feel an unlimited source of power.

Guy 1: I am feeling rather Chuck Norris today. Guy 2: Dude, stop being so pretentious, this is why we hate you.

63. (Chuck Norris) (10↑, 9↓)
A dude whose jokes are really starting to get old.

Jon: Wanna hear a Chuck Norris joke? Me: Wanna suck my dick?

64. (chuck norris) (13↑, 12↓)
You better run you spelled Chuck Norris with one R.

:Move to another country :Run away and hide :kill yourself "Chuck Norris" will cause you extreme pain

65. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 13↓)
Google will not search for Chuck Norris, because it knows that you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. No standard web pages containing all your search results were found. Your search-Chuck Norris-does not match any documents. Suggestions- \chuck\ norrisRun, before he finds you. \chuck\ norrisTry a different person.

"...it knows that you don't find [Chuck Norris], he finds you."

66. (chuck norris) (68↑, 67↓)
I love the man, but I'm not going to go on with that, but rather prove a point to all the "Bruce Lee is better than Chuck Norris" bitches out there... Whose still alive? and how do you think Brandon Lee died? As for Jackie Chan, He was in the movie The Tuxedo, instantly stripping him of his testicles. Steven Segal is mounted above Chuck Norris' fireplace in his oklahoma home. Before he was locked in a cage and randomly and submissively beaten by chuck. Jean Claude Van Damme died in a freak "had an appendage hastily removed after doing the splits on a chair and one of the chairs being roundhouse kicked out from underneath him" accident. Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver. Luckily for Mr. T., him and Chuck Norris have remained good friends throughout the years. that covers any and every possible martial aritst/ t.v. badass ever. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart. Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

Chuck Norris thats all i gotta say, chuck norris

67. (CHUCK NORRIS) (0↑, 0↓)
GOD DID NOT CREAT THE BIG BANG CHUCK NORRIS DID WHEN HE LIT HIS FART IN THE VACHUME OF SPACE

[CHUCK NORRIS]

68. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 5↓)
Chuck Norris is a fictional man who is believed to be all powerful by a cult following he has on the internet. These Chuck Norris facts will define it way better than I can. Every night before he goes to sleep, the boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once got angry and roundhouse kicked the ground in a spot. That spot is known as the Pacific ocean. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris once fought superman on a bet. The loser had to wear his pajamas on the outside of his clothes. Aliens don't cause crop circles. That's Chuck Norris playing with his cereal. Actually, Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn't had the courage to tell him yet. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double for crying scenes. The manhattan project was an attempt to reproduce the power of Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. It failed. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The movie was cancelled shortly after it's production. No one would pay good money to see a movie 9 seconds long. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares the books down until he gets the information he needs. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, his kick went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart as she was flying over the pacific ocean.

Don't mess with chuck norris, or, in other words, don't F**k with Chuck.

Author: infernalcommentary42 http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5946509
69. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 2↓)
A man who has 4 biographies written simply on his feats and whose legend is undescribable.

Chuck Norris's dick is big that it has its own dick. And Chuck Norris's dick is bigger than your dick.

Author: chucknorrisisprettycool http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5911541
70. (chuck norris) (5↑, 5↓)
A freak of nature, able to kill people with an intimidating stare, roundhouse-kick anything into dirt, and destroy a nation.

chuck norris once had an erection. There were no survivors. the atomic bomb was discovered when chuck norris split an atom with his fist. Hurricanes are a direct result from chuck norris breathing heavily The rhicter scale was developed to measure chuck norris's stomach growl When Chuck Norris hunts, he doesn't use a gun. He just looks into his prey's eyes and they kill themselve's to escape his punishment. Chuck Norris beat the Hulk in arm wrestling. Then he round-house kicked the angry right out of him. Chuck Norris once failed a class. Then he wiped that class off of the face of the Earth. Chuck Norris and Superman used to be roomates on Krypton. One day they had a disagreement, and chuck norris punched the planet apart. When Chuck Norris pops his pimples, they grunt Chuck Norris willl scare 2012 away.

71. (Chuck Norris) (10↑, 10↓)
He is the most awesome person and will pwn ur face with his unstopable roundhouse kick. He is also the king of the universe.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars, thats why there no signs of life there. Chuck Norris invented water. China used to border North America, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it through the Earth and up the other side. Automobiles were made to get away from Chuck Norris, not be outdone he invented the car accident. The reason why the universe is expanding is because it is trying to get away from Norris. The Boogyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night. Spiderman was bit by a radioactive spider, Chuck Norris was bit by a radioactive god.

72. (Chuck Norris) (11↑, 11↓)
The almighty 'N' in the Alphabet of Manliness. When children go to sleep, they check under their beds for the boogeyman. The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris. Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off of a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off of a Batman. Chuck Norris wins the game. (PS you just lost) Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen SanDiego is. Also, he knows where Waldo is. Chuck Norris let the dogs out. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. A long time ago, after eating too much corn, Chuck Norris took the two most massive craps ever recorded in the US. They are now called Nebraska and Iowa. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. In the bush, it is said that four things can kill you: an elephant, a leopard, a Black Mamba, and Chuck Norris. However, only with Chuck Norris is instant death guaranteed. The Baby Boom was the result of Chuck Norris banging every American woman after kicking some Axis ass. Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in one move. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a hill outside of Rapid City. It is now known as Mount Rushmore. Originally, Chuck Norris was the answer to life, the universe and everything in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but due to copyright issues, the name could not be used. To keep his influence in the answer, Chuck Norris recommended the number 42, the minimum number of people that die from one of his roundhouse kicks. The most effective form of suicide is typing 'Chuck Norris' into Google and clicking 'I Feel Lucky'

Keep your friends close, then Chuck Norris has to kill them before he gets to you.

73. (chuck norris) (21↑, 21↓)
AKA god/sex object

holy shit its chuck norris

74. (Chuck Norris) (0↑, 1↓)
A popular exclamation among the coolest of the [cool], "[chuck Norris]\!" is to be yelled when one is losing and argument, simply because Chuck Norris is never wrong\!

Bob: "I know for a fact 1+1 is 2\!" Tom:"No way\! Thats crazy\!\!" Bob: "Look\! Right here\!\! At this calculator\!\! Which so clearly proves that i'm right\!" Tom: "CHUCK NORRIS\!\!\!\!" Bob:"Oh... well.. can't argue with that logic, you win this round, closet ninjas\!\!"

75. (chuck norris) (4↑, 5↓)
the sum of everything awesome and gnarley

your mom,chuck norris

76. (Chuck Norris) (7↑, 8↓)
GOD

Random Person: "I bet Chuck Norris could kick yo azz." Random Person 2: "I agree because I would kneel down and kiss his holy foot as it slams into my unworthy face, after which I would go home and show my family that I am not worthless because I had been touched by the Holy One."

Author: Unworthy one of the same name http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5378083
77. (chuck norris) (10↑, 11↓)
chuck norris suuuucks\!

this just in\! a man known as amunkeywithastick has just died of severe head trauma. when found by family and freinds he had a foot print on the side of his face. the shoe size read chuck norris. join fox 11 news tonight at 11.

Author: amunkeywithastick http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4992704
78. (Chuck Norris) (16↑, 17↓)
Almighty.

If you have never heard of Chuck Norris then you must be a cave person that lives in a dark hole.

Author: Ijustkickedyourbutt http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3791381
79. (chuck norris) (2↑, 4↓)
The shit, every shit, everything around the shit, everything on the shit, the shoes that have stepped in the shit, the shit on the shoes, the smell of the shit, the flies that eat the shit, basically....the shit.

Chuck norris doesnt need an example

Author: beeb the destroyer http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5560163
80. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 7↓)
the real question here is, what isn't Chuck Norris?

When God first made creation, on the first day he made Chuck Norris and let Chuck Norris take care of the rest.

81. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 8↓)
Time traveller/Biblical character. His presence is documented in Revelations of the bible.

"And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called faithful and true - [Chuck Norris], and in the righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew but he himself [Chuck Norris].... And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron (his penis)... [and his awesome beard]" Revelations 19.

82. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 6↓)
A moving tank.Probably from the future.Simply cannot be destroyed.

Japan:We'd better surrender,they've got Chuck Norris\!

83. (chuck norris) (4↑, 6↓)
the man who lost his virginity before his dad did

chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did

84. (Chuck Norris) (7↑, 9↓)
The brother of God, the favorite of his Mom, and kicked Satan's Ass... Plus, God was sooooo jealous, He left Chuck Norris out of the Bible.

Erm no example. Chuck Norris will shoot me from his eyes if I wrote one...

85. (CHUCK NORRIS) (8↑, 10↓)
COOLER THAN YOU\!\! When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska. Chuck Norris invented the apple. Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest. P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.

chuck norris \<object width="425" height="344"\>\<param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MDUQW8LUMs8&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"\>\</param\>\<param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"\>\</param\>\<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MDUQW8LUMs8&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"\>\</embed\>\</object\>

Author: flabbergasted\!\! http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3803205
86. (Chuck Norris) (36↑, 38↓)
American martial artist, action star, and Hollywood actor who is best known for playing Cordell "Cord" Walker on Walker, Texas Ranger. Also an extremely overrated icon that has no real talent save for the ability to kick a 2X4. He is an extremely closeminded Fundamentalist Christian that tried to have the bible used as mandatory reading material in public schools. His recent popularity is the result of a website created that listed exaggerated claims about Chuck Norris' strength and intellect. In reality he is a washed up loser that can be seen acting horribly on Walker, Texas Ranger or on late night excercise equipment informercials.

"Chuck Norris is a total [doucheball]\!\!" "Who gives a shit about Chuck Norris?" "Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home."

87. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 5↓)
The reason why waldo is hiding.

Person 1) Damn it, Why can't I find Waldo?\!?\!?\!\! Person 2) Because he saw Chuck Norris

Author: -----Enter pseudonym here----- http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5382513
88. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 5↓)
After having sex with your girlfriend, roundhouse kick her in the face and get out.

My bitch used teeth, so i gave her a good ol' Chuck Norris

89. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 5↓)
To Be Chuck Norrisafied To Get Pwnd To Be Beat Down To Be Set Aflame and Rolled Down a Mountainside

Chuck Norris

90. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 8↓)
Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist and actor.

1. geologists and vulcanologist discover a new fact, that in mountaintop of Eyjafjallajökull - Chuck Norris was burn a marshmellow and magma as the mayo for his breakfast. 2. when Chuck Norris fart, each and every aircraft will be affected by turbulence. 3. Chuck Norris could make soprano voice of Celine Dion became alto by saying the word "kick". 4. when he's still serving for United State Air Force in Korea, Chuck Norris controlling the F-105D from the ground - like a kite.

Author: Lone Wolf McQuade http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4966510
91. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 9↓)
Jesus' more powerful, ginger brother.

"[Jesus] give me back my x-box, or I'll [roundhouse] kick your ass back into Jerusalem."-Chuck Norris

92. (chuck norris) (6↑, 9↓)
chuck norris's penis is a fist chuck norris does not communicate via cellphones, the sheer sound of his voice would penetrate your ear faster than his roundhouse abilities to your face...and you would be instantly deaf. Instead, chuck norris trains owls to carry letters across the world like in Harry Potter. These owls are trained in his backyard. One day during a training session at norris academy, an owl shit on norris as he was flying overhead, Norris teleported into the air beside the owl, looked him in the eye, and the bird exploded in mid flight. From that day on, Norris's owls know not to fuck around. chuck norris flexes so fast, that you can hear the sound of a whip being cracked from miles away. This is because he is awesome and no science can prove this theory wrong. When chuck norris has an orgasm, a thunderstorm instantly occurs in the Latin America. Chuck norris does not speak to animals, he looks at them, and they either explode or implode, given their surroundings. Chuck norris once won a long jump competition reaching 157 Meteres running with his eyes closed. Later that day he thought he'd go for a second gold medal and entered in the pole vaulting competition. He won by 396 Meters, catapolting with his penis instead of a pole, because as you know, chuck norris member is a FIST, A MIGHTY STRONG FIST.

Chuck Norris IS THE EXAMPLE

93. (chuck norris) (9↑, 12↓)
the only man more interesting than the most interesting man in the world

chuck norris: FALCON PAWNCH\!\!\!\!\! most interesting man on the world: noobiownu

94. (Chuck Norris) (16↑, 19↓)
Urban Dictionary won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you

*BAM\!* You got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris

Author: Yes, this isn't original http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3462730
95. (chuck norris) (18↑, 21↓)
A god that, while having sex with your wife in a truck, purposely let one of his sperm loose in the engine. You now know that truck as Optimus Prime

Why are we looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Chuck Norris lives in Houston.

96. (Chuck Norris) (17↑, 20↓)
The act of the Chuck Norris is as follows (only people who own a Total Gym should attempt this act, or serious injury could be incurred) Just before ejaculation, rip your dick through the condom, cum on your foot, and roundhouse kick your bitch in the face. When she says "What the fuck?", say "Don't mess with Texas."

Last night your mom was gettin crazy so I chuck norrised her and she calmed down.

97. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 6↓)
Chuck Norris is going to DESTROY you for looking up his definition here.

Chuck Norris: What the fuck, he’s lookin’ at [urban dictionary], doesn’t know who the fuck I am?\! I’m coming over their house RIGHT NOW to beat the shit out of them\!\! Chuck Norris is GOD.

98. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 6↓)
Jesus's bodyguard. That's how awesome he is

First guy: I'm gonna kill Jesus Second guy: You'll have to get through Chuck Norris first. First guy: Aw, screw that\!

99. (Chuck Norris) (23↑, 27↓)
1. The most over done internet meme and joke that's reaching gigantic popularity only due to the amount of immature internet spammers and that god awful show Family guy. 2.Something that was funny for the first few years but is now bitterly old. Ronald Lee Ermey could have easily eye gouged and skull fucked Chuck Norris to death if he wanted to.

And example of something old and distasteful(like the chuck norris) would be "Your Mom" jokes.

100. (Chuck Norris) (8↑, 12↓)
Ozzy Osborn bit the head off of a bat. Not to be out done, Chuck Norris bit the head off of Batman. The man is a force to be reckoned with, and if you don't know who he is, don't worry he knows who you are and he's coming for you.

Before the Partwii, Lauren, the cyborg, bus surfed over to Mickey D’s with his brofriend Chuck Norris and bought a McGangbang happy meal with the funds that he jacked from his sugar momma after his disco nap that afternoon. Chuck pulled out his phone from his nuthuggers and started sexting a ginger slice with a tramp stamp that he had been friendly following ever since they shared a game of Jager pong. Lauren gave Chuck the air jerk as he noticed Tanasa the grade digger that sat next to him in his art class. Lauren gave her the “let’s just be friends” nod and grabbed his happy meal. As Lauren walked outside he saw, Bruce, the designated drunk, as he started wailing teenybopper show tunes. Bruce was manstrating again and wanted his fix of Dr. Pepper and Big league chew. The night of celebrating Lauren’s nomotion had barely even started and already he was knackered.

101. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 9↓)
He eats thunder and farts lightning. The Big Bang? Chuck Norris had wind that day. The reason why planet Pluto is so far away is because Chuck roundhouse kicked it. When you dream about Chuck Norris, its no illusion, he's in your mind. Back To The Future was a poor attempt at documenting Chuck Norris's time travelling adventures. All of the above definitions are entirely false, Chuck Norris needs no description other than Chuck Norris. He'll be here shortly to-.... ........

There are no examples...there is only Chuck Norris

Author: X-waves-of-distortion-X http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4446862
102. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 9↓)
There is no definition for Chuck Norris, as he cannot be found in a dictionary. He finds you.

"I can't find Chuck Norris anywhere\!" "Of course not; you don't see him until it's too late." (bad example, but I couldn't think of anything else.)

Author: MileyCyrus=EpicFail http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4332418
103. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 8↓)
The nine parts of speech are the - noun,pronoun,verb,adverb,adjective,preposition,conjunction,interjection and Chuck Norris

Student: What's a noun? Class teacher: A noun is anything that has weight and [pwns] space Student: What's a Chuck Norris? Class teacher: Chuck Norris is not defined by words, words are defined by Chuck Norris

104. (Chuck Norris) (9↑, 13↓)
Undefinable.

If the world came to an end, Chuck Norris would save all, and kill us himself.

105. (chuck norris) (14↑, 18↓)
Chuck Norris was originally in the video game Street Fighter 2, but was removed by beta testers when every button made him do a round-house kick. When asked about this glitch, Chuck Norris replied, "It's not a glitch."

Chuck Norris is a mean son of a bitch.

106. (chuck norris) (26↑, 30↓)
A term of which can be used to sit in the front passenger seat of a car. By yelling CHUCK NORRIS the front seat is yours regardless of whose car or who is driving. The reasoning behing this is Chuck Norris can infact kill any man armed with a shotgun, while being unarmed and naked.

Niri B yelled out chuck norris and is now sitting in the front seat.

107. (Chuck Norris) (1↑, 6↓)
One drop of ball-sweat from Jimmy Page's nuts mixed with two drops of ball-sweat from Bruce Lee's nuts.

Chuck Norris is combined ball-sweat of two gods.

Author: the-truth-of-life http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5499141
108. (chuck norris) (1↑, 6↓)
when you get mac and cheese(option of easy mac) and mix it with poop and blend it in a blender and feed it to your dogs then when the dogs poop it out you then get the poop and insert it into a womans vagina

i just totally chuck norrised you sister\!\!

109. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 9↓)
One of the world's most annoying person, behind [Spongebob], [Trolls], and [Joe Jonas]. He's an overused meme since people did some shit this one day and now it's all about "OMGZ\! HE KILLED A GUY WITH JUST A GLIMPSE\!" People say if you insult him, you die, I'm obviously still alive suckers\! See: People who obviously haven't watched [Phineas and Ferb], they can kick Chuck Norris' ass in 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001/2 nanoseconds

Douchebag: OMGZ\! CHUCK NORRIS IS THE REASON WE'RE IN A RECESSION, HE GOTZ ALL THE MONEY\! Me: Screw You, he's a myth, oh look, still alive Douchebag: *looks up in the sky* I THOUGHT YOU WERE REAAAAAAL\!

110. (Chuck Norris) (10↑, 15↓)
The lamest individual that people idolize because they've never played Chrono Trigger so they don't know who Frog is.

Nails- what Chuck Norris eats for breakfast. Chuck Norris- what Frog eats for breakfast.

111. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 7↓)
Person that can do anything.

Windows vista refuses to crash or freeze when being operated by Chuck Norris.

112. (chuck norris) (1↑, 6↓)
the person to be able to kill gods with a roundhouse kick the only reason why the zombies run towards you in l4d is because they are running away from chuck norris chuck norris can split atoms with his fists

guy 1 "what will it be sir" chuck norris "a whiskey" guy 2 "whiskey is for fa...." guy 2 dies because of chucks godliness

Author: chuckchuckchuckchuck184868 http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4489769
113. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 8↓)
The end of the world.

Chuck Norris *roundhouse kick* KABOOOOM

114. (chuck norris) (4↑, 9↓)
it is a proven fact that chuck norris actually can hit someone in the face with a fist he hides in his beard. if he would he also could roundhouse kick someone in the face with his beard. just because he's chuck norris..

chuck norris

115. (chuck norris) (6↑, 11↓)
the princple of the high school jesus went to.

chuck norris:jesus....i know you can do whatever you want..but dont hurt yourself trying to master the roundhouse kick again.

116. (chuck norris) (5↑, 10↓)
A martial artist, actor, and the butt of a internet phenomenon. Usually refered to as a "Bad-Ass".

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.

Author: the-redneck-from-hell http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3815275
117. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 19↓)
He can do anything

Chuck Norris can win connect 4 in 3 moves.

118. (chuck norris) (13↑, 18↓)
one cool ass mother fucker.

chuck norris is 1/8 native american. not because of ancestry, but because he ate a fuckin indian

119. (chuck norris) (23↑, 28↓)
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Once chuck norris fell into d river, chuck norris did'nt get wet d water got chuck Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS\!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck\!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang\!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em\!" One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

chuck norris can split the atom....with his bare hands

120. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 19↓)
When a women refuses to have sex with you, you round-house kick the bitch upside the head. You then proceed to have sex with her unconscious body.

Dude i put Bonnie in the hospital by giving her the chuck norris. I made up for it by buying her the whole first season of Walker Texas Ranger.

121. (chuck norris) (7↑, 12↓)
The one man on earth other than god who manages to get his nuts jocked so much he has his own long list. My main proof for this statement is every other definition of chuck norris here.In my eyes everyone is probably soon to make a religion for him with his own bible.

"god said let there be light and chuck norris said say please."

122. (Chuck Norris) (0↑, 6↓)
The Manliest man ever. Every time you sneeze, Chuck Norris kicks his wife in the face....8 times to be exact. God can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim on land Leading hand sanitizers can kill up to 99.9% of germs, Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants. If you are playing hide and seek with Chuck Norris, he will always be the one who says "not it" Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer...too bad he never cries. Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a full clip, and won. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have to live. Chuck Norris can catch lightning, with his bare hands. The Boogyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris Giraffes were invented after he uppercutted a horse in the face. When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the earth down.

Dude, Travis just got Chuck Norrised... IN THE FACE James,do you know where waldo is? I don't know, but i bet Chuck Norris does. Oh my god, did you see that hit? That's a Chuck Norris

123. (Chuck Norris) (0↑, 6↓)
When I person comes up missing, AWOL,MIA ...referring to the Chuck Norris Films Missing In Action Parts 1-3.

My girl has become Chuck Norris. I guess I need to find her.

124. (chuck norris) (3↑, 9↓)
chuck norris dont have a chin....he just has an extra fist under his beard chuck norris dont gotta mow....he simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow when the boogeyman goes to sleep..he checks his closet for chuck norris chuck norris uses a night light... not cause he is afraid of the dark....cause the darks afraid of chuck norris. chuck norris can count to infinity.............twice chuck norris can eat a bowl of diamonds every day for breakfast..........with no milk

a very awesomly awesom guy otherwise known as......CHUCK NORRIS

Author: *\chuck\ norris* burpie *\chuck\ norris* http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/3840496
125. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 8↓)
Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer....to bad he doesnt cry

If Chuck Norris cried cancer would be as dead as the dinosaurs,which by the way went extinct because of Chuck Norris

126. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 10↓)
The only person who was able to count to infinnity...twice.

Chuck Norris

127. (chuck norris) (11↑, 17↓)
Manliness in human form.

Chuck Norris lives on a floating volcano with American Bald Eagles flying around it. Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. No matter what your mother said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish. There is no such thing as global warming, Chuck Norris got cold and turned the sun up. Chuck Norris eats rocks and shits lightning. Chuck Norris can watch 60-Minutes in 10 minutes. Will Chamberlain claims to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this a slow-Tuesday Sticks and stones may break your bones but a Chuck Norris-glare can make you shit yourself. Some scientists believe a meteor killed all the dinosaurs. That's true of you want to call Chuck Norris a meteor. Chuck Norris loves America. He hates communists. Once he heard a guy was executed for treason, treason is the most un-American thing Chuck Norris has ever heard so he killed himself, went to Hell, ripped the guys face off and uses his face as a loin cloth to this day. He then resurrected himself and slept peacefully. Chuck Norris is so American that when he gets interrupted during sex, he gets red, white, and blue balls.

128. (chuck norris) (12↑, 18↓)
The Reason God Said Let There Be Light, He was Afraid Of Being In A Dark Room With Chuck Norris Chuck Norris sued MySpace For Taking The Name Of What He Calls Everything Around Him The Reason The Tide Rises Is Not The Moon, It Is The Fact That Whenever Chuck Norris Is Around, God Pisses His Pants (For Non-Coastal Areas, This Is Also The Cause Of Rain)

It Is Widely Believed that Jesus Christ Was Chuck Norris's Stunt Double For The Crucifiction, Because Nails Can't Penetrate Chuck Norris's Skin Chuck Norris Doesn't Shave, He Just Kicks Himself In The Face, Because Only Chuck Norris Can Cut Chuck Norris

129. (chuck norris) (10↑, 16↓)
Chuck Is Everyone's hero

When Chuck Norris Wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken The Leading Causes of death in USA are: 1. Cancer 2. Heart Disease and 3. Chuck Norris Guns Dont kill people, Chuck Norris Does

130. (chuck norris) (14↑, 20↓)
An alcoholic drink consisting of one part vodka and two parts red bull. Aptly named because if you drink them all night, you awaken the next morning with your heart pounding and you feel like you took a round house kick to the face.

"I was about to fade last night so I drank a chuck norris or two, but man am I paying for it this morning.

131. (Chuck Norris) (0↑, 7↓)
Your worst nightmare. Period.

Chuck Norris is ga-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Author: Chuck norris the god http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/5078238
132. (Chuck Norris) (1↑, 8↓)
No man can describe such a word. Some say that he is a devout christian. He lays in his bed at night and waits for Jesus to pray to him.

Jesus: Hey, umm, Chuck? May I call you Chuck? Chuck Norris: What is it Jesus: Hey, uh, can you, uh, please stop swimming on land, you're making me look bad. Sorry for the notice.... (Awkward Pause) Jesus: NAW\! Jus kidding man..... :(

133. (Chuck Norris) (0↑, 7↓)
You dont define chuck norris chuck norris defines you

chuck norris counted to infinity....twice chuck norris built the log cabin he was born in

Author: hdsjkfhdsjkfghjksa http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4956937
134. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 9↓)
V. To epically woop your ass if you insult them.

She will go all chuck norris on yo' ass if you call her fat.

135. (Chuck Norris) (1↑, 8↓)
Chuck Norris: (n)/ GOD.

Jesus may be able to walk on water, Chuck Norris can swin through land.

136. (Chuck Norris) (1↑, 8↓)
You cannot define [Chuck Norris]. [Chuck Norris] is the Definition.

[Chuck Norris] won [the Game]

Author: [insert platypus noise here] http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4538114
137. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 10↓)
Right behind you\!

Fag: WOW\! i love wanking over world of warcraft\!......wait..whats that smell... the smell of a musty, muscular,super-amazing,ginger,martial-artist? (turns around)..... OMG its Chuck Norris\! dont hurt me im a N00b\!

138. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 9↓)
1) Run from this. 2) When you see this, Be prepared to be roundhouse kicked. 3) The end of life.

"OH MY GOD IT'S CHUCK NORRIS\! RUN\!\!\!"

139. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 21↓)
1. The Most Amazing action hero ever. 2. The best types of jokes ever.

Chuck Norris Doesn't do push ups... he pushes the world down.

140. (Chuck Norris) (7↑, 14↓)
The one man God fears. Said to have once won a game of checkers in 1 move.He can also shoot down a plane with his finger, yelling "Bang"

Person 1: Dude\! was that just a UFO?? Person 2: No. It was Chuck Norris.

141. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 10↓)
God.

Did you see that guy, he's a Chuck Norris at video games.

142. (chuck norris) (6↑, 13↓)
walker texas ranger. the man

chuck norris punched arizona now we have the grand canyon.

143. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 12↓)
One hell of a [sexy beast] totally kicks ass on Walker Texas Ranger( coolest show ever)\! He is probably the sexiest man alive\!\!

Dude its Chuck Norris\!

144. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 13↓)
One hell of a [sexy beast] totally kicks ass on Walker Texas Ranger( coolest show ever)\! He is probably the sexiest man alive\!\!

Dude its Chuck Norris\!

145. (chuck norris) (8↑, 15↓)
Chuck Norris is the meanest mother fucker alive and can do anything

Chuck Norris counted to infinity.. Twice

146. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 13↓)
1: A very strong man [he is said to be god himself] 2: A threat

Guy no. 1: im goin to kick yo ass Guy no. 2: Im going to chuck norris yo ass Guy no.1 : *runs away*

147. (Chuck Norris) (10↑, 17↓)
THE fu**in mightiest man on earth.

1000 of years ago, there was nothin. Then Chuck Norris came in the game, roundhouse kicked the nothin an said:"Go an get sum work\!" This kick is know as the "big bang".

148. (chuck norris) (9↑, 16↓)
Someone you do NOT want to fuck with.

Do not fuck with chuck norris, or you will get roundhouse kicked in the face faster than you can say nothing.

149. (CHUCK NORRIS) (0↑, 8↓)
Must be spelled with all capital letters in order to be correct, or you'll be roundhouse kicked through the fifth dimension. While Jesus was the son of God, CHUCK NORRIS was the father of god. Some facts include: Jesus can walk on water, inpressive? CHUCK NORRIS can swim through earth. CHUCK NORRIS is so straight, he never touched a single man in his life, whenever he gave a man a roundhouse kick, he was merely kicking the space in between his foot and his victim's face. (like in the movies, but all victims still died from massive head trauma.) CHUCK NORRIS can divide by 0. CHUCK NORRIS is watching...always. CHUCK NORRIS's daily excercise routine includes wrestling bears, holding back airplanes with his bear hands, pushing trains, and lifting mountains with ease. CHUCK NORRIS was born 10 March 1940, the Cold War ended 11 March 1940, just saying.

This concludes my definition of chuck norris. (A dimensional rift opens before me as the all mighty roundhouse kick of justice bends reality itself while almost making contact with my face. Don't forget to capitalize\! )

150. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 10↓)
The most powerful man on earth.The only person that can rival him is god himself and Chuck still pwns him on a regular basis.

Jesus: I heard you got pwnt by Chuck Norris in Ping-Pong the other day God God: I fucking hate him, he makes me seem like a noob everytime I see him

151. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 10↓)
Noun: God, The son, the holy spirit, the father, the father's father, perfection. Every thing right about this world. Adjective: for something to be awesome, amazing, outstanding, perfect. verb: to do something perfectly, astonishingly amazing. Also, to round house kick some one at lightspeed.

Eric- That fail was sooo fucking Chuck Norris man\! Sean- Yeah dude he Chuck Norris'd that shit. Brian Bell- Guys.. I just got Chuck Norris'd in the face... everyone- AHAHAAAHAAAhaa... Taylor- wtfbbq? :D

152. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 14↓)
When this legendary man awakes, the world is gonna end. History predicted the year 2000, which was in fact true, but he only awoke to go in the bathroom. Now Norris gave us a few more years until he is finish reading his new Total Gym ad in the Bathroom.

"Chuck Norris just finished reading his ad"\! cried Paul. Laura responded"we have only a few more weeks before he unlocks the bathroom door\!

153. (chuck norris) (3↑, 11↓)
The act of when your having sex with your partner and they don't survive the night. Just like all the girls that slept with chuck norris.

Dude, did you know that Shawna died last night? I heard Dave did a chuck norris with her.

154. (Chuck Norris) (7↑, 15↓)
Nuff said...

Chuck Norris \> God

155. (Chuck Norris) (10↑, 18↓)
AWESOMENESS PERSONIFIED

God created Adam and Eve. He got bored with Adam, so created Chuck Norris. Chuck got pissed, so killed Adam, and fucked the bejesus out of his wife. He populated the entire earth, because all of the sperm roundhouse kicked the eggs into coming into the womb to be fertilised.

156. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 12↓)
A kick ass old guy, who happens to be a red head. He starred on Walker, Texas Ranger.

1:Dang, are Michael Obille and Chuck Norris the same person? 2: Naw, Michael O is clearly his alternate ego

157. (Chuck Norris) (22↑, 30↓)
The sex symbol for many closet homosexuals. Chuck Norris, at best, is a C grade actor, and at best a rusty "martial artist" and I use that term loosely. Was taught personally by Bruce Lee, alongside Kareem Abdul Jabaar, costarred in movies with Bruce Lee. Has never been associated with anything actually worth purchasing. Is idolized by many who are ignorant and refer to him in many homo-erotic "jokes." Falls into the same crap category as Steven "Squinty" Seagal, who surprisingly was actually a martial artist but lost his grip on martial arts in Hollywood.

"Hey did you know that chuck norris doesn't have a..." "Yes I've heard that one about a billion times, hey did you know that chuck norris was only ever in fake fights? Good for him too, he might lose a limb. Sonny Chiba and Bruce Lee would both easily kick his ass."

Author: sonnychibaisbetter http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2869310
158. (chuck norris) (5↑, 13↓)
Wings and Beer all night

Chuck Norris can only use toilets made of KEVLAR, need you ask why\!

159. (Chuck Norris) (0↑, 8↓)
Slang term for a huge, masculine, kick-ass [beard] that any Lumberjack would be proud to grow. Reddish-orange color is optional but highly recommended.

John: "Did you see Joe's new Chuck Norris?" Bill: "Hell yeah, that beard is so badass I felt like I got roundhouse kicked in the junk just from looking at it\!"

160. (chuck norris) (1↑, 10↓)
Justin Bieber's hero, also known as the person who can roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they don't support Biebs.

RANDOM CHUCK NORRIS MOMENT: Chuck Norris doesn't buy My World because he already has a world of his own.. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't..

Author: BeliebersAreAmazing http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/4855831
161. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 13↓)
One of the most overrated action stars to ever exist. The only reason for his success in anything is his coming into contact with Bruce Lee.

Random Idiot: "Dude, God created the world in 6 days;then Chuck Norris took over." CommonSense: Chuck Norris facts were funny for about a second. Random Idiot: *Head explodes*

162. (chuck norris) (6↑, 15↓)
All that is.

Why is god named god? Cuz the name Chuck Norris was already taken. If Chuck Norris has sex with you, he hs the penis and the vagina.

163. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 11↓)
the fictional cause or effect of anything in the universe

Nun chucks and the whip was invented just by watching Chuck norris floss his

164. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 11↓)
The highest quality drug availible.

"Bro I want some weed, do you know anyone who sells?" "Yeah my friend does" "Is it good" "Yeah, he has that Chuck Norris"

165. (Chuck Norris) (7↑, 16↓)
The creator of language. The curer of polio: roundhouse kicked a bottle of aspirin instantly creating the remedy. Father of infomercials. Father of Steven Seagal.

I'm gonna Chuck Norris my way to fame and advertise this piece of shit\!

166. (Chuck Norris) (44↑, 53↓)
a.k.a. God; The master of everything.

When Chuck Norris gives blood he refuses a syringe and asks for a gun and a bucket. When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.

167. (chuck norris) (8↑, 17↓)
A man that is liked too much in the teenage society.

Guy 1: Hey dude, have you seen Walker Texas Ranger? Guy 2: No, but Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Guy 1: What does that have to do with seeing the movie? Guy 2: Chuck Norris doesn't have to make sense. Guy 1: ::Grabs knife and kills Guy 2::

168. (Chuck Norris) (11↑, 20↓)
Some old dude. He sucks. aka Chuck Whoris.

I kicked Chuck Norris down the stairs and he broke a hip. Then, I beat him with his cane.

169. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 13↓)
A person, who got a high reputation due to some kids' high imagination. Chuck Norris is nothing, but an un-attractive person who's physically weak as a fly. The whole truth about him, will be revealed on the example below:

Chuck Norris secretly wears womens' underwear.

170. (Chuck Norris) (10↑, 20↓)
superhuman never compare chuck norris to god, compare god to chuck norris Gods name is God because the name Chuck Norris was already taken

guy1:dude chuck norris is Godly guy2:no\! God is Chuck Norrisly

171. (Chuck Norris) (18↑, 28↓)
chuck norris is a indistructabale crime fightinng sex machine.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits

172. (Chuck Norris) (1↑, 12↓)
1) A guy who everybody thinks is badass but is in reality a total pansy. 2) Despite being a big, burly guy, but killed by the comparatively scrawny Bruce Lee 3) Thinks that Barack Obama is not eligible to be President because he wasn't born in the U.S., despite the fact that thorough investigations have proven otherwise and that his mother was a U.S. citizen, making Obama a U.S. citizen by birth. 4) Endorsed Mike Huckabee, aka the GOP's answer to Jimmy Carter for President in '08

1) Joe: Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Bob: You're wrong on both counts. 2) Bruce Lee: I KILL CHUCK NORRIS\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\! 3) Chuck Norris: Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and therefore can't be president. Constitutional Expert: Contrary to popular belief, one doesn't have to be born in the United States to be eligible for the Presidency, only a citizen by birth. Even if he was born in Kenya, his mother was a U.S. citizen, making him one by birth. 4) Chuck Norris: Hi I'm Chuck Norris, and I'd like you to vote for Mike Huckabee for President in 2008. Intellectual: If Mike Huckabee's our next president, we're screwed.

173. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 14↓)
He's probably your father.

Only those who wish to have their skin peeled off with their dead children's teeth, be eaten alive by a giant ant, and then be burned with lightning and a magnifying glass should ever utter the name Chuck Norris. Or OH JESUS\! MY SKIN\!

174. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 15↓)
No word can describe him, other than Huck Norris.

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter. Chuck Norris can touch this. When Chuck Norris makes coffee he grinds the beans with his teeth and boils the water with his rage. One day, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself to see what would happen. Scientists call this the Big Bang. When Chuck Norris does a press up, he doesn't lift himself up, he pushes the world down. The bible talks of judgment day. What it doesn't tell you is that it will be the day some poor soul tells Chuck Norris his mother is good in bed.

175. (chuck norris) (4↑, 15↓)
the act of kicking ones ass

After saying stupid stuff, Timmy got chuck norrised

176. (Chuck Norris) (25↑, 36↓)
An Round-House Kicking Hero.

When the Boogy man goes to bed, he Checks his Closet for Chuck Norris. Superman has Chuck Norris Pajamas.

177. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 15↓)
The man who is going to ring your doorbell in 10 seconds and roundhouse kick you to your head for needing a definition of his name Chuck Norris is God

I wanted a bike for christmas so i prayed to chuck norris

178. (Chuck Norris) (16↑, 28↓)
An internet fad that REALLY needs to die.

Don't tell me your next joke is about Chuck Norris.

179. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 15↓)
Sylvester Stallone's penis. Only in the movie Rambo.

Bandolier-clad Asian: "Hory crap\! you rounhouse kick me in face\!" Sylvester Stallone: "That would be my penis. His name is Chuck Norris."

180. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 14↓)
This is not the person Chuck Norris rather and act as in the act of Chuck Norrising sombody. It essential is an [abe lincoln] but with [rph]. It is where you ejaculate on someones face and stick red pubes to the face making a beard ressembaling Chuck Norris.

Dude that chick i hooked up with last night was a bitch so i Chuck Norrised her ass.

181. (chuck norris) (1↑, 13↓)
Chuck Norris on being wet.

When Chuck Norris takes a bath, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck.

182. (chuck norris) (6↑, 18↓)
the worst actor but biggest \@$$ kicker of all time.

huck norris once drowed a fish. chuck norris is so bad he killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff. once chuck norris farted, he set off an earthpuake that broke a rictor scale.

183. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 17↓)
When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out "Who's the boss?" She'll get confused, turn her head around, at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream CHUCK NORRIS\!\!\!

Oh man, I totally pwned Jeff's mom last week when I gave her a Chuck Norris.

184. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 16↓)
More Chuck Norris Fun facts\! Chuck Norris doesn't obey the Fabrics of Reality the Fabrics of Reality obey Chuck Norris\! When Moses said "Let my people go" Chuck Norris replied with a roundhouse kick to his face. Lightning never strikes Chuck Norris knowing that Chuck Norris will strike right back\! God didn't cause the flood that was simply Chuck Norris taking a piss afterchugging the Atlantic Ocean. When his girlfriends ask "Whats your name?" Chuck Norris simply says "Chuck Norris" he gets laid within the enxt ten seconds or less OR your money back\! Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends he simply leaves and never returns\! The meteor didn't kill the dinosuars Chuck Norris simply roundhouse kicked them all\! There's no such thing as evolution only Chuck Norris. Cup of Coffe three dollars, new pair of shoes fourty dollars, getting a blow job by asian prostitute one hundred dollars, getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris...priceless\! Whenever a Nuclear Threat rises it never happens because Chuck Norris stops it five years before the threat is made. On the first easter Chuck Norris grabbed the Easter bunny and coated it in chocolate before eating him. Just ebcause the rabbit refused to give him all of his eggs\! When God said "Thou shalt not take my name in vain" Chuck Norris shouted "I AM GOD\!" In the original version of War of the Worlds Chuck Norris was fired for taking out the aliens tow seconds in the movie. Peter Jackson was never seen ever since. Chuck Norris doesn't eat he digests his meals by looking at them. Chuck Norris appeared in every movie known to man at once\! Adolf Hitler one day got pissed and shouted "Damn you Chuck Norris\!" Two seconds later World War 2 was over. If God was to utter Chuck Norris real name the very universe would collapse within itself\! One day Chuck Norris was feeling lucky after realising he had sex with every female in the world he decided to do Satan\! Ever since Satan was banished to hell since God called dibs on Chuck Norris first\! When God said "You cannot eat from to tree of the knowledge of good and evil\!" He failed to notice Chuck Norris munching on a piece of the fruit wearing The serpent as a condom while winking at Eve.

Chuck Norris can roundhosue kick you like a spiermonkey\!

185. (chuck norris) (2↑, 14↓)
Undefinable, utterly definition breaking.

This example was broken by chuck norris.

186. (chuck norris) (5↑, 17↓)
chuck eats coal and shits diamonds\!

chuck norris is so hard he've eaten coal and shited diamonds\!

187. (Chuck Norris) (11↑, 23↓)
The coolest person on earth

Chuck norris once sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th, but because Jesus was too afraid to tell Chuck that his real birthday was not on the 25th, Christams is celebrated that day. - Chuck norris was the fourth Wise Man, he gave jesus the gift of facial hair - when somebody sneezes they may need a tissue, when Chuck norris sneezes, he asks for body bags. - Chuck norris sweats bullets AND guns. - Chuck norris doesnt travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of chuck norris. - Chuck norris' tears cure cancer, diabetes, hep. B, AIDS, HIV and polio.....too bad he never cries. - Chuck norris caused the big bang...he round house kicked an infinitely dense point of matter that he squeezed between his eye lids, thus creating the universe. - Chuck norris created the pyramids while saving a group of children from a burning schoolbus. after he created them, he round house kicked the children to death and then forced the jewish slaves to build them again assuring them their efforts will be remembered. he then proceeded to build the parthanon, the colliseum and the tower of babel. - Chuck norris doesnt age unless chuck norris wants to. - Chuck get what Chuck want: the 11th commandment. - Chuck norris visited Spain and saw than it wasnt connected to europe, he then proceeded to take a crap between then two masses and created France. - Chuck Norris round house kicked switzerland...that's why the cheese has holes in it. - Chuck norris doesnt read, he looks at a book and absorbs the text. - Chuck norris once convinced god that he was sitting in his seat. god had no other choice but to move, lest he get kicked in the teeth. - If you stare into chuck norris' eyes, you will ascend into heaven, then you'll explode and plumet into hell. - Chuck norris doesnt gamble, the casinos pay him. - Chuck norris once had a staring contest with the sun...Chuck won and that's why we have nighttime. - a blind man once bumped into chuck norris, feeling pity, chuck norris cured the man of his blindness...the last thing the man saw before he died was a very manly foot smashing into his face. - Chuck norris has only once missed a round house kick strike, he hit the ground and created the grand canyon.

188. (chuck norris) (3↑, 15↓)
a man who instead of having a chin under his beard, he acually has another fist

did you know that under chuck norris' beard, instead of a chin there's actually another fist?

189. (Chuck Norris) (3↑, 15↓)
Having sex with a girl, when you are about to ejaculate pull out, and give her a round house kick.

Every year on my birthday Jen lets me give her a Chuck Norris.

Author: Tony G in Florida http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2424480
190. (chuck norris) (7↑, 19↓)
Gods God. The only man that God fears.

Chuck Norris doesn't go to church to worship God, He goes so God can worship him.

Author: Chuck Norris is God http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2401414
191. (Chuck Norris) (12↑, 24↓)
A Man Concieved By Two Gods who is invincible to all things mortal and who has sex with more woman that earth can Produce

CHuck norris is God and cannot be defeated

192. (Chuck Norris) (18↑, 30↓)
The greatest kickboxer the world has every known. Chuck Norris is not a force of nature; nature is a force of Chuck Norris. How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb? There can be only 1 Chuck Norris, and then he will roundhouse kick you in the face, smartass.

Hail to Chuck Norris or be dispatched.

193. (Chuck Norris) (29↑, 41↓)
The baddest man on the planet.

There's no such thing as evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

194. (Chuck Norris) (22↑, 34↓)
Aside from being a faddish 2000's pop culture exemplar of all things tough, monosyllabic, and righteously violent, Chuck Norris holds black belts in Tang Soo Do, Tae Kwon Do, Karate, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. His rise to Hollywood fame occurred when he starred as the villain opposite Bruce Lee in "Return of the Dragon." He played leads in a number of martial arts movies through the 80's, then was picked up for "Walker, Texas Ranger" in 1993, which aired for eight years on CBS. As of 2006, he continues to take on roles for various karate flicks, capitalizing intensely on his recent faddish popularity.

The Chuck Norris jokes will end when Chuck Norris is ready for them to end.

195. (Chuck Norris) (26↑, 38↓)
[There was a definition here, but Chuck Norris found it to be less than satisfying. He proceeded to kill the author and bang his wife, and the dog.]

Chuck Norris invented Judisim. When Jesus turned water into wine, Chuck Norris thought it tasted shitty so he roundhouse kicked Jesus and he died. Ever since then, the Jews are afraid to believe in Jesus.

196. (chuck norris) (34↑, 46↓)
the biggest playa in the world and the biggest tragic hero of our age

When chuck norris wanted to have relations with Carmen Electra, all he had to say was "You ready for the Norris inside you?". She couldn't jump on him fast enough. Sadly, when he came, his semen roundhouse-kicked its way through her body, destroying it from the inside. Chuck's tears then caused the hurricane in Lousiana

197. (Chuck Norris) (19↑, 31↓)
A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could supply the world with energy for the next 2.53 billion years. However, due to the level of danger involved in trying to harness this immense source of energy, scientists have resorted to a safer avenue of research; trying to control the kaboom from thermonuclear weapons. It is also suggested a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick may hold the key to incredible new breakthroughs in propulsion technology.

The Mars Lander did not actually crash on Mars because of a programming mistake... The transporter carrying the lander to the launch site cut Chuck Norris off and he roundhouse kicked the lander *into* [Mars]. [NASA] officials are attempting to understand this new form of propulsion. So far there have been no survivors from this dangerous research. NASA is accepting applications at this time.

Author: Launchpad McQuack http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1715295
198. (chuck norris) (25↑, 37↓)
The only man in the world who has a planet named after his left testicle.

Wolverine once got into a fight with Chuck Norris, and sliced off his left testicle. It somehow was thrown into outer space, and to this day, it is known by its scientific name: Jupiter.

199. (chuck norris) (22↑, 34↓)
An expert in the martial arts, a true scholar, and a gentleman. He will one day be the American army... maybe [Vin Diesel] will be a teammate, but mostly just Chuck. He doesnt read books, he just stares at them until he gets information. Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy in the face... the sheriff was the luckier of the two. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas. Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives. Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

N. Chuck Norris is God. V. Did you see the way Mark just Chuck Norrised his girlfriend in the vagina?

Author: Robthedudeofnyandthatsall http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1652291
200. (chuck norris) (2↑, 15↓)
the most incredible being to ever walk the face of the Earth

Chuck Norris once had sex with a girl. The girl died, obviously. Chuck resurrected her with a roundhouse kick and proceeded to blow his load in her face. Yet, three generations were killed in the process.

201. (Chuck Norris) (5↑, 18↓)
Godly, Unstoppable, Amazing, Incredible, Extreme, Strong, Insanely Awesome, The Most Ultimate Ninja/Fighter In The World\! Just About Every Word In The Entire Dictionary Is Describing Chuck Norris.

"Like [lawl] did you hear those Chuck Norris jokes?"

202. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 19↓)
Chuck Norris is cooooooooooooooly cooooooooool\!

If you fed Chuck Norris 1Kg of organic matter he'd shit out enough fossil fuel to power the sun for the rest of time\!

203. (chuck norris) (4↑, 17↓)
god. chuck as all mighty powers and created the earth

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

Author: Chuck norris slave http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2586480
204. (Chuck Norris) (8↑, 21↓)
To beat someone's ass uncontrollably without feeling or remorse. to chuck norris, chuck norrised (past tense)

Motherfucker if you don't make me a sammich, i'll Chuck Norris your bitch ass

205. (chuck norris) (19↑, 32↓)
A sexual act during doggystle in which the man or strap-on lesbo steps over and around the receiver's head with the leading leg, followed by a back roundhouse kick to the head with the hind leg, all in one smooth badass motion.

Dude, this bitch ended up bein the freak of the century, so after I came in her ass I gave her the ol' chuck norris for good measure.

206. (chuck norris) (27↑, 40↓)
A man who strikes fear into the people who strike fear themselves.

When the boogie man goes to sleep... he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris

207. (Chuck Norris) (17↑, 31↓)
If you ever look up 'Chuck Norris' in the Urban Dictionary, you will be bombarded with manly 'Chuck Norris can....' statements. Ya, ya, roundhouse kick, whatever. He's tough I guess. This is a sensible discription of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is....

208. (chuck norris) (2↑, 16↓)
Chuck Norris is allegedly the only man to ever beat [Bruce Lee]. Lee later Admitted to this fact

Shit dude Chuck Norris beat Bruce Lee *random person runs and hides*

209. (chuck norris) (24↑, 38↓)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afriad of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. It is said that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. The only problem is that Chuck Norris never cries.

Chuck Norris will knock you out son\!

Author: Dude with no name http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1654598
210. (Chuck Norris) (4↑, 19↓)
n. The man with the hairiest balls on earth.

Chuck Norris is so cool he dusts ice cubes off his shoulders.

Author: Jordan G., Joseph N. http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2557932
211. (Chuck Norris) (6↑, 21↓)
Chuck Norris fun facts 2 Chuck Norris doesn't work his jobs pay him for just applying. Chuck Norris was once George Bush...but now he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the only man capable of masturbating and running a marathon at the same time. Chuck Norris created the first computer using the bones of his enemies. Chuck Norris invented the lightbulb. Chuck norris invented the question mark. JK rowling was originally going to be a porn star but due to her not being able to handle Chuck Norris she soon became an author inspired by Norris' naked body thus making Harry Potter. Due to Chuck Norris' awesome roundhosue kicks he wasn't allowed to play in terminator 3 instead he turned himself into a woman just to star in it. If Chuck was to ever discover this website he would roundhouse kick the earth thus ending humanity. During the Cold War nuclear missles were actually launched at America Due to a swift Roundhouse kick Chuck Norris redirected them to Japan thus creating Godzilla\! Waldo isn't hiding he's in a coma after saying Chuck Norris three times in the mirror. Only Chuck Norris can masturbate to Chuck Norris. French fries were invented since Chuck Norris got tired of potatoe wedges. After shaving his pubic hairs Chuck Norris then threw them into the furnace thus making the first werewolf. Chuck Norris REALLY killed Kenny\! When Carlos Mencia made a joke about Chuck Norris he went from white to mexican due to a radioactive roundhouse kick. When Lynyrd Skynyrd made the song Free Bird he was actually singing about the time Chuck Norris decided not to Roundhosue kick him. Chuck Norris doesn't get married he just ensures that death will do them apart. All that remains was formed After Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the rest of the band. Chuck Norris IS the first airplane. Chuck Norris wnats YOU to join the army\! Chuck Norris is the reason why Uncle Sam doesn't exist\!

If everyone was Chuck Norris the world would no longer exist\!

212. (chuck norris) (2↑, 17↓)
a amazingly cool kickass man often refered to as God Jr.

did you hear? chuck norris told that guy to separate the ocean\!

Author: super de fuckin duper http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2452646
213. (Chuck Norris) (26↑, 41↓)
Angels sang out in immaculate chorus, down from the heavens, decended Chuck Norris, who delivered a kick which could shatter bones, into the crotch of indiana jones, who fell over on the ground writhing in pain, as batman changed back into bruce wayne, but Chuck saw through his clever disquise, and he crushed batmans head, inbetween his thighs...

Chuck Norris From Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny- Lemon Demons

Author: Omega Battle Creator http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1645093
214. (chuck norris) (8↑, 24↓)
hairy sideways mouth vagina

her cunt looks like chuck norris' mouth sideways

215. (chuck norris) (7↑, 23↓)
In Texas chuck norris is slang for cocaine. it is called chuck, taking karate chops to the face, at war with chuck, and just plain o'l chuck norris.

Yo henry\! u throwin' down for that 8 of chuck norris bro? of course mayne...i been takin round house kicks to the face all muthuh fuggin day\!

216. (chuck norris) (13↑, 30↓)
2 be or not 2 be? that is the question. the answer? chuck norris whats the meaning of life? chuck norris when the dinosaurs became extinct it wasnt because of a meteorite, it was because of chuck norris one time adam and eve had a party in the garden of eden. they failed to invite chuck norris so he roundhouse kicked them out of the garden and shoved an apple down adams throat, which created the adams apple the united states could save billions in defense funding if they trade the military for chuck norris chuck norris invented fire when he was staring at a piece of log and laser beams shot from his eyes chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with laser beams from his eyes chuck norris does not get frostbite. chuck norris bites frost science fact: roundhouse kicks r comprised primarily of an element called chucktanium Chuck Norris + Roundhouse Kick - Bruce Lee = Jackie Chan & Jet Li once chuck norris played the best poker player in the world. he won using his laser vision to burn the other mans cards chuck norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf chuck norris puts the ass in assassinate. by this i mean he roundhouse kicks ur ass when arnold says the line "i'll be back" in the first terminator movie it is implied that is he going 2 ask chuck norris for help in the sequels the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets chuck norris the movie kill bill is actually a childhood biography of chuck norris when chuck norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the earth down when chuck norris jumps into a pool, he dosent get wet, the pool gets chuck norrised one time a man asked chuck norris for directions. to make his point, he grabbed another man, and ripped out his heart, painted n,s,e,w in their directions with the blood, jabbed a magnet down the mans throat, put him on the ground and spun him. chuck norris once worked as a weatherman for the san diego evening news. every night he would make the same forecast: partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain chuck norris doesnt daydream. he's too busy giving other people nightmares the word kill was invented by chuck norris. other words were die, beer, and please chuck norris went to america before christopher columbus, but after roundhouse kicking all the natives, he got bored and retired to anarctica if u ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds til. after u ask, two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks u in the face

the only creature to ever have defeated chuck norris is curious george, not because he was strong, but was too cute

217. (Chuck Norris) (24↑, 41↓)
The act of kicking a girl in the back of the head while she is mounting you.

I didn't like that bitch so i gave her the ol' Chuck Norris.

218. (Chuck Norris) (2↑, 20↓)
The one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe.

1 First Chuck made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of the beard was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Chuck said, "Let there be light"; and there was light. 4 And Chuck saw that the light was good; and Chuck separated the light from the darkness. 5 Chuck Norris called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day. 6 And Chuck said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters." 7 And Chuck made the firmament and separated the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament. And it was so. 8 And Chuck called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day. 9 And Norris said, "Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so. 10 Chuck Norris called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And Chuck saw that it was good. 11 And Chuck Norris said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, upon the earth." And it was so. 12 The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And Chuck saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening and there was morning, a third day. 14 And Chuck said, "Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the earth." And it was so. 16 And Chuck Norris made the two great lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night; he made the stars also. 17 And Chuck set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the earth, 18 to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And Chuck saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening and there was morning, a fourth day. 20 And Chuck Norris said, "Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the firmament of the heavens." 21 So Chuck created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And Chuck Norris saw that it was good. 22 And Chuck blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth." 23 And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day. 24 And Chuck said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds." And it was so. 25 And Chuck made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the cattle according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the ground according to its kind. And Chuck Norris saw that it was good. 26 Then Chuck said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." 27 So Chuck created man in his own image, in the image of Chuck Norris he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And Chuck blessed them with beards and fists of fury, and Chuck said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." 29 And Chuck Norris said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. 31 And Chuck saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.

219. (chuck norris) (27↑, 46↓)
The subject of some of the most unfunny and annoying jokes known to man.

Chuck Norris facts are as unfunny and annoying than Carlos Mencia jokes.

220. (chuck norris) (19↑, 38↓)
Once a respected actor, now just a way to be cool, I mean, seriusly, most everybody that says those damn jokes don't know about his show, or even the lever that used to be on Conan o' Brian. What has the world come to?

Chuck norris was once funny, until not funny people started bringing those jokes to school and resiteing them to everybody and thinking that they are so funny HAHAHA thanks for beating a dead horse

221. (chuck norris) (24↑, 43↓)
the one and only guy who has both testicles larger

99,9% of men have one testicle larger from the other one. both of chuck norris' testicles are larger.

222. (chuck norris) (110↑, 129↓)
Texas Ranger who likes to pimp his home gym thingy. Throw him into any sentence involving celebrities and the sentence is instantly funny.

The best actors in the world are Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, and Chuck Norris.

Author: Friend with benefits http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1246916
223. (chuck norris) (8↑, 28↓)
an overly hyped up actor with little or no talent, not very attractive either - similar to a male version of Katie Holmes. many jokes exist, the majority are not funny, as to the things Chuck Norris can do (for example, Chuck Norris once ate three 20 oz steaks in an hour; he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress)

Chuck Norris is a tool

224. (Chuck Norris) (14↑, 34↓)
1. A martial arts master. 2. The star of countless movies that are amazingly awesome. 3. Star of the show "Walker Texas Ranger" where he plays a Texas Ranger named Walker. This show has been cancelled because too many eight year olds wet their beds at the sight of Chuck Norris kicking ass. 4. A man who always personally greets you to his website. 5. See [God].

One day I saw Chuck Norris, I am now in the witness protection program.

Author: Ronnie the Raider http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/2106216
225. (chuck norris) (6↑, 26↓)
the act of punching a guy in his balls

"I hate Jimmy. I should chuck norris his so hard he has to go to the E.R." "Man, Jimmy Chuck Norrised me so hard i alsmost had to go to the E.R."

226. (chuck norris) (7↑, 27↓)
the matrix is just a codename the real name is chuck norris. neo said he was the matrix.... and nobody heard from him again.

screw the matrix belive in chuck norris

227. (chuck norris) (46↑, 66↓)
A man about whom jokes were funny for a brief period. The jokes lost any part of hilarity once they spread through the public, with a select few jokes being repeated in strings every five minutes. They are no longer funny, and should be met with blank stares.

Dude 1: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer\! Too bad he's never cried\! Hahaha\!" Dude 2: *stares blankly* Dude 3: Like I haven't heard that one before... Dude 2: Chuck Norris jokes were over a month ago, dumbshit.

228. (Chuck Norris) (8↑, 29↓)
The most powerful man in the world save one, the person who defeated him in mortal combat upon the slopes of mount olympus. The Incarnate of Zues, king of the gods, known only as Souther, managed to dodge one of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks, and punched him in the face, defeating him. However even though it was mortal combat, Chuck Norris still lives, and Souther was so impressed with his god-fighting abilities that he retired from fighting, and became a latin teacher. (There is also some speculation that this "Souther" was Chuck Norris in disguise and moved so fast that it apeared to observers that there were two people.)

Student: "my teacher fought Chuck Norris and won" Uninformed Student: "No, nobody can beat Chuck Norris" Student: "no, for real, they trained at the same dojo, and my teacher beat him in a spar" Uninformed Student: "no way\! He'd have to be like Zeus or something" *Uninformed Student explodes because he is simultaniously hit by a lightening bolt and Chuck Norris, who greatly respects the only man to ever defeat him*

229. (Chuck Norris) (20↑, 41↓)
Something so kick ass, it is comparable to Chuck Norris

Dude 1: Yo, you see X3 yet? Dude 2: Yeah, that movie is Chuck Norris

230. (chuck norris) (18↑, 41↓)
n. Chuck Norris 1. The cowboy equivilent to [God]. Specializes in roundhouse kicking people through car windshields. Has also been known to eat babies. v. Chuck Norris 1. The act of roundhouse kicking someone/thing.

Bob Chuck Norris'd his brother Dave through the wall.

231. (chuck norris) (20↑, 44↓)
Theeee coolest fucking guy that has ever roundhoused on this planet. EVER.

Dude, Chuck Norris is my fucking hero.

232. (chuck norris) (18↑, 43↓)
A [cyborg] with the power of [invincibility]... when on screen. Outside he's quite a softie. Some jobless guys from [USA] went on to raise him to [urban legend] status just because he was the first Usian to do [roundhouse] kicks on the big screen. Now there's a running joke about him being stronger than all the gods together and doing eveything beyond [impossibility]. Non-serious webs like [Uncyclopedia] and Urban Dictionary get loads of entries about that unfunny joke.

"Earthquakes are actually Chuck Norris's leg trembling when bored" - Yeah, yeah...

233. (chuck norris) (10↑, 35↓)
Alcoholic beverage containing mostly apple vodka and orange juice. Causes you to want to pummel human beings after several drinks.

Jeff: We're out of all the good alcohol. What are we going to drink? Nik: Let's drink Chuck Norris' Jason: No\!\!\!\! I don't want to get my ass kicked again.

Author: The Coolest Man Alive http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1740448
234. (chuck norris) (8↑, 34↓)
chuck norris a thing of every race, type, genitic code of every species.

man i wish i can be chuck norris

235. (Chuck Norris) (12↑, 38↓)
a martial artist turned washed-up actor whose name has now resurfaced to mean [bad ass]. Also, is often associated with a male who has had sexual intercourse with many women ([pimp] or [mac daddy]) .

Shut the fuck up before I go Chuck Norris on your ass\! Man, he is so Chuck Norris. His slow day consists of 200 women\!

236. (chuck norris) (17↑, 43↓)
Close your browser DONT F*CK WITH CHUCK\! ...youve been warned.

chuck norris will kill you.

237. (Chuck Norris) (28↑, 54↓)
A man who is as close to a god as possble.

Guy 1: Chuck Norris is god. Guy 2: Yes. I look up to him.

238. (chuck norris) (15↑, 42↓)
a movie star who for some reason everyone loves for not really any reason besides he does roundhouse kicks.

chuck norris does roundhouse kicks and everyone loves him

239. (Chuck Norris) (39↑, 66↓)
Ferociously overrated.

Chuck Norris is 66 years old. He's likely to go into fucking retirement soon. GET A GRIP OF YOURSELVES, PEOPLE.

240. (chuck norris) (17↑, 44↓)
one of the earths greatest men alive\! in other words hes god....

chuck norris sleeps with a nite lite not cus hes afraid of da dark it cus the dark scared of chuck norris. chuck norris doesnt watch, he decides what time it is\!

241. (chuck norris) (33↑, 63↓)
A martial artist who thinks he is the shit but got his ass kicked by Bruce Lee on several occasions. The again, he is still alive so I guess that has to count for something.

'Chuck norris aint got shit on my holmes Bruce Lee, sept for the whole 'life' thing'

242. (Chuck Norris) (47↑, 78↓)
An actor who was around before all these dumb little kids knew who he was, and is now being used in fake, not funny at all, facts.

I am a thirteen year old loser who thinks it is funny to say Chuck Norris in every sentence I say.

243. (chuck norris) (115↑, 146↓)
Chuck norris is the all american hero he is amazing and uber

Chuck Norris won ww2 vietnam kicked out sadaam while making love to an amazing hot supermodel

244. (chuck norris) (50↑, 82↓)
Fuck Norris. His movies suck ass. Always have, and always will. He is a washed up actor, and it's toture to have to hear those goddamn "random fact" jokes about him. THEY ARN'T FUCKING FUNNY\!\!\! Bruce Lee could kick Norris' ass. Bruce Lee really was a mean s.o.b. Infact, Lee let Norris be in one of his movies...in which he kicked the shit outta him. I don't understand why all these fucking retards idolize shitty martial artists like Norris instead of actual badasses.

Norris Lover:"Chuck Norris has really been dead for 10 years now...he doesn't know it though, becuase the Grim reaper is too scared to tell him. LOLerz\!\!\!" Non-Norris Lover:"...I'm gonna stab you in the face with a soddering iron now..."

245. (chuck norris) (24↑, 56↓)
A person that has been given way to much credit, and who has atracted the eyes of many faggots out there\! They talk so much abot him, that i think that there is a Chuck Norris bible out there some where\! Chuck norris goes by 3 known names... -Chuck Norris (obviously) -Walker (comma) Texas Ranger -God

Hey, how many people did Chuck norris killed this episode? 50? 60?

Author: Jordan IV of the dark warrior of the northern seas of all hate and evil http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1895146
246. (chuck norris) (16↑, 51↓)
not as cool as bruce willis, and never will be.

wow that sucks, its so chuck norris.

247. (chuck norris) (18↑, 54↓)
1. [God]. 2. Powerful

"Susan, do you know God's full name?" "Of course, Chuck Norris."

248. (chuck norris) (48↑, 87↓)
A less than hardcore actor who once starred in such shitty films as Sidekicks, Invasion USA and Missing in Action. He is most know for his ridiculous display of round house kicks and poor dialogue on the show Walker Texas Ranger. \>or\< A washed up actor who got his second wind based upon a very large list of (at one time) humorous jokes and facts(If you will) about him, that after being repeated from here to Nantucket far too many times, became old and played out and down right NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

Chuck Norris' tears cur-- oh wait, you've heard this one before? Yeah me too about a million times...

249. (chuck norris) (17↑, 56↓)
A Kick ass guy whose name is now used in everything. Chuck Norris is sweet but F*** anyone who uses him name to much. If u use him name once more he will spit on you and his spit will burn you in half.

guy 1:sup guy 2: nothen Random guy in chat room: CHUCK NORRIS

250. (chuck norris) (13↑, 64↓)
he is the most 1337 person on the planet and will always be

chuck norris is all of the pokemon having a massive orgy and the baby in result is chuck norris

Author: scotland all day way http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1742199
251. (Chuck Norris) (70↑, 126↓)
Chuck Norris is vastly over rated.

Bruce Lee kills Chuck Norris.

252. (chuck norris) (106↑, 164↓)
better than god and jesus put together

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS\!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck\!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang\!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em\!" One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours. Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris. Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him.. The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground.. Wat is the quickest way to mans heart? Chuck Noris’s fist. Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull. God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6. Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once. It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them. this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this. God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please. The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out. Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day. Three simple rules of survival: 1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain 2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face 3. When camping, bring toilet paper —— There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris —— Chuck Norris doesn’t eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes. This just in: “Alexandria the prophet” was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by god…I mean Chuck Norris. —— Someone once asked Chuck Norris “How much wood, could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?” uppon completing of the sentance Chuck Norris just smiled. Two seconds later Chuck resorected Bruce Lee and he proceeded to roud house kick the person to death for taking the name of Chuck in vein. —— chuck norris enventd a time machine and went back to just before j.f.k. was shot, he jumped in front of the bullets and shattered them all with his beard. j.f.k. died out of pure amazement. —— Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.” Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris’s nutsack. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,”excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole”. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways. Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight. Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two” Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he’s sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse. Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds Chuck Norris’ sperm is so energetic that when he busts… Well, I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with “Don’t you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?” Chuck Norris’ evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard’s curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. Chuck Norris doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to. God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth. Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids. Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man. Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure…. Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer. Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms. Chuck Norris wrote every single edition of the Choose Your Own Adventure books. He wrote them all under pennames to hide the fact that they are autobiographical. Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, “I don’t trust doctors.” He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room. Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com Chuck Norris has every single copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once. Chuck Norris lives by one rule: No Asian Chicks. The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris’ penis. Chuck Norris eats pieces of metal for breafast and shits out a tool shed at lunch. In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris. Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring. Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris found a portal to Hell where he repeatedly gave the Devil a round house kick to the face. Chuck Norris invented american flag pants. Chuck Norris has slept with a woman from every country except China and Japan. “No Asian chicks.” Chuck Norris invented the beard. In the 80’s it was discovered that President Reagan had an inoperable growth on his brain. Rather than letting him die, they shrunk Chuck Norris and injected him into President Reagan. There, he fought the tumor and defeated it with a round house kick to the face. The tumor died and Chuck Norris safely exited Ronald Regan’s body. Chuck Norris then had Reagan’s tumor mounted on his wall next to the elephant that he killed with his bare hands and the dinosaur he shot on his hunting expedition to the Jurassic Period. Chuck Norris has no use for books since he has a little computer that just downloads information into his brain. He likes to think Charles Dickens’ stories while he works out. During the 1970’s he taught The Price is Right host Bob Barker karate.(True) Every night at 8:00, a truck pulls up to Chuck Norris’ house. In the truck are a bunch of orphans. For the next half-hour, Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks on the orphans while “It’s a Hard Knock Life” plays in the background. At the end of the session, the orphans say “Thank you, Mr. Norris.” in perfect unison, then march into the truck in silence. Chuck Norris’ penis is so large, that he in fact has to tie it around his left leg so that it doesn’t get in the way of his round-house kick. Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris. Chuck Norris told Kid Rock that God doesn’t know why, but Chuck Norris does. Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head. Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII. Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a lighter weight and work his way up. Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously. After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missle Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of Sports by Huey Lewis and the News. This soon became the prototype for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine. Chuck Norris is actually just Bob Saget in his invincible mech suit. Chuck Norris has covered his entire house in tinfoil to prevent Steven Seagal and Vin Diesel from collectively applying the force-choke to him. When applying the tinfoil, he inadvertantly applied it shiny-side down, thus effectively drawing heat from teh sun into his house. The resulting oven-like enclosure actually damaged his skin and deadened his nerve-endings, giving him his freakish ability to withstand pain. Chuck Norris is a mammal. Chuck Norris fights ALL the time. The purpose of Chuck Norris is to flip out and roundhouse kick people. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history. When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then procedes to fuck all the girls in the stadium with his beard. Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low. Ice isn’t cold water, it’s water that is scared still by Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.” Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. If you look at Chuck Norris while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS. Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck’s tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab. Chuck Norris can actually breath fire. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states “All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris’s records.” Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

253. (Chuck Norris) (33↑, 98↓)
Said to be the next big movie star. He is supposed to star as the Red-Bearded Faggot in Brokeback Mountain 2:Walker,Texas Strangers.

Dude, Chuck Norris is totally gay for being in that movie.

254. (chuck norris) (37↑, 107↓)
MMMMM...... Ok first of all the guy has a face like a slapped Cock (Hence the gay beard). Second: He only appeals to jumped up little trailer trash faggots with no life.(Or overweight virgins in their 40's living at their parents house). Third: Could not "Act", his way out of a thin tissue paper bag. Last but not Least: [BRUCE LEE] Do you want to see little chuck get his sizeable [arse] severely Kicked? Then check out "way of the dragon"

chuck norris = Does not even qualify for Capital Letters

Author: England is much better than usa http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1909926
255. (chuck norris) (38↑, 117↓)
NOT GOD NOT AWSOME CANT STUNT FIGHT No one is god except god your all going to hell for saying chuck norris is god. Not only that he can't even throw his punches you can tell there fake. If you like chuck norris your a redneck sonofabitch.

I am chuck norris and im not god.

256. (chuck norris) (81↑, 171↓)
chuck fuck norris is god

you be chucking it hombre, just like a tom\!

257. (chuck norris) (50↑, 169↓)
he will rape you if you lay a finger on him so screw off

look its chuck norris, lets get his autograph but make sure he doesnt kick your ass.

258. (Chuck Norris) (48↑, 187↓)
1. White Ninja/Cowboy/Actor Guy 2. Someone who throws up all over the drama room at school

1. Damn, Chuck Norris is a pimp 2. James threw up all over the drama room today, so from now on were calling him Chuck Norris.

259. (chuck norris) (124↑, 290↓)
1.learned everything he knows from Bruce Lee 2.The last guy who got his ass whipped by Bruce Lee in Return of the Dragon.

Bruce Lee could kick Chuck Norris's ass with both hands tied behind his back.

Author: ................................ http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/1578864
260. (chuck norris) (25↑, 239↓)
The history of chuck: Serving time as a silly clown with a severe case of perma-bone, he decided to end his life of crime and change him name to www.chuckynorris.com

"Hey Carlos" "Please Just call me Chuck or I'll smash the area that resides left to your groin" "I'll buy 50 ultimate gyms" ".cum"

Author: Return of the Faggon http://chuck-norris.urbanup.com/208323
261. (chuck norris) (101↑, 356↓)
the personification of all that is fake and cheesy in Hollywood. He is the epitome of how Hollywood takes beautiful and/or honorable traditions from other cultures and turns them into packaged crap.

Dances with Wolves totally Chuck Norrised the Native Americans

262. (chuck norris) (77↑, 365↓)
Chuck Norris is a very talented actress. Being called Chuck Norris is definently a compliment.

0/\\/\\f9 n041o u m[_]mMa 1z 7e\}-\{ Chuck Norris 4i97\!\!

263. (chuck norris) (62↑, 431↓)
A tough guy with a stupid moustache.

"Dude, Johnny's a total Chuck Norris\!"

264. (Chuck Norris) (139↑, 650↓)
A homosexual faggot whom enjoys the physical pleasures of the wild platypus\!

Chuck Norris stop fuckin' that platypus\!

265. (Chuck Norris) (222↑, 816↓)
One of the worst actors of all time. He thinks he's the greatest man to walk the earth since Jesus. He often tries to attempt martial arts, but most of the time he cannot accompish much of anything because he's wearing tight jeans, a flanel shirt, and a very large cowboy hat. He starred in the Tv series Walker: Texas Ranger, where he can be found in the same attire as stated above. In this series, which has gone down as one of the worst TV series ever, and is only loved by gopher eating hicks and gold prospectors, Chuck Norris fights "bad guys" by methods including: kicking, punching, slapping, and occasionally shooting with varius projectile weapons. So basically the show comes off as a weak attempt to be MacGyver, only with less resourceful inventions, and a little bit less mullet. Other than TV Chuck Norris has starred in horrible movies and made for TV movies (The Walker: Texas Ranger Movie). In these movies he does pretty much the same actions as he does in Walker: Texas Ranger, however the outfits may vary occasionally (may I emphasize the occasionally). So in all, Chuck Norris is one of the biggest failures America has ever seen. I will conclude with the tagline from his movie "Sidekicks": "A dreamer and a champion. An unbeatable team, until his hero stepped out of his fantasies to fight by his side." Sexual fantasies? Yes, I think so. Gross. Thank you.

Bad Guy: "What do you want Walker?" Walker: "Fifty years of your life" *Bad guy slowly pulls out gun, Walker quickly pulls out gun and shoots him* Asian Man: "I like your Ranger Walker."

Related: chuck, norris, awesome, god, badass, jesus, sex, cool, amazing, roundhouse kick, bruce lee, roundhouse, ninja, kick, bad ass, epic, man, penis, pwn, ass, bamf, walker texas ranger, death, fuck, kick ass, karate, pwnage, awesomeness, beard, hero, lol, pussy, sexy, vagina, balls, bitch, pimp, cock, hot, bad
Last updated: 2012.02.29

Urban English dictionary. 2013.

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Look at other dictionaries:

  • Chuck Norris — (1976) Chuck Norris (* 10. März 1940 in Ryan, Oklahoma; eigentlich Carlos Ray Norris Jr.) ist ein US amerikanischer Action Schauspieler. Größere Berühmtheit erlangte er als Filmgegner von Bruce Lee in Die Todeskralle schlägt wieder zu …   Deutsch Wikipedia

  • Chuck Norris — Chuck Norris, en un acto de entrega de condecoraciones en Iraq (2006) Nombre real Carlos Ray Norris Jr. Nacimiento 10 de marzo d …   Wikipedia Español

  • Chuck Norris — es un practicante de karate, campeón de kickboxing y actor de origen estadounidense, fundador de una asociación de Karate. Dentro del conjunto de peliculas en las que actuó cabe recordar la protagonizada por Bruce Lee …   Enciclopedia Universal

  • Chuck Norris — Norris signing a T shirt for a Marine on a stop on his tour of Al Anbar Governorate ( …   Wikipedia

  • Chuck Norris — Pour les articles homonymes, voir Norris. Chuck Norris …   Wikipédia en Français

  • Chuck Norris Facts — are satirical facts about martial artist and actor Chuck Norris that have become an Internet phenomenon and as a result have become widespread in popular culture. The facts are normally absurd hyperbolic claims about Norris s toughness, attitude …   Wikipedia

  • Chuck Norris Facts — Chuck Norris fact : « George W. Bush a menti à propos des armes de destruction massive en Irak. La seule qui s’est jamais trouvée là bas c’est Chuck Norris quand il a visité le pays ». Les Chuck Norris Facts …   Wikipédia en Français

  • Chuck Norris Karate — Chuck Norris Pour les articles homonymes, voir Norris. Chuck Norris …   Wikipédia en Français

  • Chuck-Norris-Fakten — Chuck Norris Facts (auf deutsch Fakten über Chuck Norris), im deutschen Sprachraum auch manchmal Chuck Norris Witze genannt, sind ein Internet Phänomen und Teil der Netzkultur. Diese „Fakten“ beziehen sich auf den US amerikanischen Kampfkünstler… …   Deutsch Wikipedia

  • Chuck-Norris-Witz — Chuck Norris Facts (auf deutsch Fakten über Chuck Norris), im deutschen Sprachraum auch manchmal Chuck Norris Witze genannt, sind ein Internet Phänomen und Teil der Netzkultur. Diese „Fakten“ beziehen sich auf den US amerikanischen Kampfkünstler… …   Deutsch Wikipedia

  • Chuck Norris Fact — Chuck Norris Facts (auf deutsch Fakten über Chuck Norris), im deutschen Sprachraum auch manchmal Chuck Norris Witze genannt, sind ein Internet Phänomen und Teil der Netzkultur. Diese „Fakten“ beziehen sich auf den US amerikanischen Kampfkünstler… …   Deutsch Wikipedia

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